How to Set Goals for 2023 When You’re Stuck

All of us feel stuck at one time or another. And often, we’re not sure why we feel stuck or what we can do to feel “unstuck.” Maybe everything in your life is going well and yet you feel unsatisfied. Or, maybe things have been building to head and an internal volcano feels ready to explode. 

Although we hear that women are bridging the gender gap in business, the truth is, it’s still not an equitable environment - especially for women of color. Maybe you have asked for that raise - more than once - and have not received it. Not to mention you are still experiencing “belittling microaggressions, such as having [your] judgment questioned or being mistaken for someone more junior.” A major study of this type of environment was captured in the 2022 McKinsey and Company report: Women in the Workplace. They call it the “Broken Rung” ladder: 

For the eighth consecutive year, a broken rung at the first step up to manager is holding women back. For every 100 men who are promoted from entry-level roles to manager positions, only 87 women are promoted, and only 82 women of color are promoted. As a result, men significantly outnumber women at the manager level, and women can never catch up. There are simply too few women to promote to senior leadership positions.

You might be thinking, “Exactly. So why should I even bother setting goals?” The reality is, yes, you cannot control the external factors that are keeping you from your goals, especially in the workplace, but you can control your internal mindset and work towards a healthier, happier place for yourself in the future. 

Whether you are working with a Black therapist or not, it’s important for all of us to set new goals and examine what is not working in your life (both internally and externally). This can come down to answering a few self-therapy questions. 

Ask yourself: 

1. Do my goals lack clarity? 

Is your desire to make more money or receive a promotion at work? What is your target salary range? Does your current organization have a job posting that you would like to move into? If not, is your organization flexible enough to help you create the position you are seeking? 

2. Are my goals unrealistic? 

Perhaps you want a raise at work. What is realistic in your organization? If you are looking for a 30% or 40% raise, perhaps that’s too big of a gap for your current job. If so, what options does that leave you with?

3. Am I falling into all or nothing thinking? 

Let’s say a 30% raise isn’t possible at your current job. Does that mean you shouldn’t even ask? Definitely not! What are the other options that would be satisfying for you? Do you love your job, therefore, a 15% or 20% raise would be sufficient (assuming you don’t feel they are negotiating a lower salary due to your race and gender)? Consider what flexibility you have with your goal outcomes.

4. Do I feel I am undeserving of the goals I want to set? 

This can be especially common for Black women who experienced parentification in their childhood. One of the outcomes from this unfortunately all too common scenario is a “false self.” This is a persona that “results after continuous self-denial of needs.” Although untangling yourself from the web of parentification will take some time, beginning to understand that your needs and desires are important is the first step in the healing process. 

5. And, finally: Are my goals aligned with what I value?

If you have often been described as a people-pleaser, you may want to assess whether your goals are for you - or for someone else. Maybe your parents expect you get a high-paying job because it’s more than they achieved during their careers. But is that what you want? It’s important to think about not only the tangible rewards of a goal (such as more money) but the intangible ones as well. A better-paying job likely means more responsibility, more stress, and less time for yourself and your friends and family. Ask yourself: does this align with what you value most? 

Remember: you determine what “having arrived” looks like. Your life should not be defined by posts on Instagram or what your best friend is doing (she’s married and has a baby and has a successful career?!). If you know what you want, be clear on what it looks like and how to create a realistic path to get there. Growth and success do not happen overnight. And changing dates on a calendar means nothing to your overall happiness. Let’s start today. Why wait? 

If you need support in starting this journey, reach out to our team.